Triggers and Symptoms

Some of the typical things that affect many people with agoraphobia don't really phase me. Like airports and airplanes. For some reason this is one of the very few places I can be alone and not in a constant state of alert. I suppose it's due to all of the security measures that everyone has to face. If they don't remove anything and everything potentially dangerous then they are sure to wear a person out trying. Another one that doesn't bother me is wide open spaces. I love being outside on a nice fall day. A cool breeze blowing and some birds passing through on their way south. Or in the spring poking around at my mom's house. Sitting on her porch laughing at the shenanigans provided by her cats and dogs. I do alright in restaurants. The food keeps me distracted. Although I never go to a restaurant during peek hours. To avoid a lot of people.

Now out here in the city where my husband and I live I don't set foot outside more than 3 feet from the front door. I don't check the mail. I don't walk the dogs. I don't flag down delivery boys when we get chinese food. And yes they have asked. lol. I do have a small window garden situated on a board that rests on our A/C unit. Where we are we have a small 500 sqft apartment. And they cut a hole in the wall below the large window in the living room for the A/C unit. The unit is also encased in an metal ventilated box. So I can open the window and use it as a platform. So I get to have my small garden without going outside. Win! I also have a pair of small bird feeders. They keep the cats entertained.
As far as some of the other things that are a problem that is a long list. Driving, any sort of store, bars, clubs, parties, family gatherings that include extended family sometimes bother me, sometimes riding in a car that isn't operated by either my mom or my husband, talking on the phone, in person interaction with strangers or people I don't know well, people making eye contact with me drives me nuts, kids make me uncomfortable as hell, people standing too close to me at the checkout in a store, and a few more that I can't think of right now.

As far as symptoms I believe I have a majority of the panic attacks under control. But when I get triggered a few things happen. My breathing is shallow and fast, my eyes are very shifty and dart around, I'm twitchy, difficulty swallowing, lightheadedness, dizziness, rapid heart beat, flushing, nausea, chest pain, feeling like I will lose control, and a few others I can't think of right now. But one of two feelings is always present. Either I feel extremely confrontational or panicked. Fight or flight response. Basically I'll either get in your face and intimidate you until YOU run away or I will run away. A lot of my personality revolves around making other people uncomfortable. I figure it makes things a bit more even if you are as uncomfortable around me as I am around you.

I do have "safe zones". Places I can be and feel somewhat "normal". My mom's house, my aunt Debbie's house, my cousin Charish's house and her parent's, my husband's aunt and uncle's place, and both of his parent's homes. It's hard to believe that anything is wrong with me if you meet me at one of these places. I suppose that's why some of my husband's family didn't understand it at first. I was always so comfortable around them that my anxiety never really showed it's ugly face. There was one time when we visited his folks in Arizona that I had trouble. It was the last day we were there and we went to a local grocery store with my husband's dad for things to put on the grill for dinner and sandwich makings for the long flight home. I remember smelling some beautiful specialty soaps. But there was just so many people in there. I had a death grip on my husband's hand and stared at the floor. I think there was even some point when his dad asked if I was okay. I wasn't, but my husband had it under control. I do remember that the roast beef my husband's dad got for his sandwiches was so tender it almost melted. I'd like to have more of that. lol